Pregnancy funnies

I will never be pregnant again (this is my solemn vow) but a friend posted this link on her Facebook page and it made me laugh. Enjoy

http://m.humorsharing.com/funny-pregnancy-tips/4518/pic-0

salty, salty tears

my husbands co workers all know about my fear of sharks so his buddy texted this to him the other day to show me. I am afraid I will disagree. Sharks want to maim and kill.

Texts from the dog

The funny things people email you

This is from my brother

Cuppa tea with your girls is JUST what the dr ordered

my life is hectic - really really busy - this is something everyone can identify with - busy kids, busy mom right?

This week I was lucky enough to have 2 separate tea dates with girl friends. Both much needed to help calm me and focus me on what is turning out to be a busy busy week.

Thanks ladies - I appreciate the laughs and the time we spend together - laughing with you keeps me sane!!!

Yellow and black insects

I found out I was allergic (deathly) to yellow and black striped insects the summer I was 28. I had asked my husband to fill the hole near the hose nozzle that these insects live in. He didn't and one night when I went to turn off the hose the little pecker heads stung me.
What happened next was comical (after it stopped being scary). I started to itch and swell. I managed to get my rings off and then proceeded to scratch the hives that started to cover my body. I said that I felt like I was swelling up and my husband said he couldn't tell (thanks a lot asshole) but we proceeded to the walk in clinic just in case. Before you ask me why the walk in clinic and not the ER I will just say we lived in a community where you could probably die waiting to see someone in the ER and I had never had an allergic reaction so how was I supposed to know they were so dangerous? Anyway by the time I made it to the walk in clinic my eyes were swollen shut.. They took one look at me, injected me with an epi pen (funny legs shaking) and sent me off to the hospital. 

Note to self - if possible don't give into the scratching when you are having an allergic reaction - it hurts a lot afterwards and was swollen for days. At the ER I had some steroids and was forced to wait to make sure it didn't happen again. I negotiated myself down 4 hours from the 8 they wanted to keep me and went home to sleep.
It was scary!

For years I thought I was allergic to wasps. Only after allergy testing did I find out that I was in fact allergic to Hornets and Yellow Jacket.

But really  - they all look the same and I carry an epi pen in the summer months just in case


I now have started a series of allergy injections to try and lessen the severity of the reaction but that is a topic for another day

Yellow Jacket



Hornet
 

Flow charts

On my sister's FB page were these funny gems

Chuckles

May the 4th vs being an Anglican

the 4th of May is Star Wars Day

May the 4th be with you



However as an Anglican I automatically want to respond "And also with you".


Not cool - have to force myself not to say it

Weddings

Called a groom back to confirm that we did indeed have pew hangings for his wedding. (They were in the nicely labeled place they should have been). 
He asked what colour they were.

I said "white"

He asked "Ivory or actually white"

I said "did you really just ask me if the pew hangings are ivory or white, that is kind of a getting married in less than 24 hours crazy kind of question."

Yup, yup he sure did.

So now the bride is coming to look at them to make sure she likes them. 

No offense guys but probably should not have left it to the last week......

Fartlek

Is a running/training term that makes me giggle like a 10 year old boy

Wikipedia describes it as this:

Fartlek, which means "speed play" in Swedish, is a training method that blends continuous training with interval training.^[1] The variable intensity and continuous nature of the exercise places stress on both the aerobic and anaerobic systems. It differs from traditional interval training in that it is unstructured; intensity and/or speed varies, as the athlete wishes.^[2][3] Most fartlek sessions last a minimum of 45 minutes and can vary from aerobic walking to anaerobic sprinting. Fartlek training is generally associated with running, but can include almost any kind of exercise.

It is supposed to help you increase speed and endurance. I think I may need to incorporate this into my runs.

 

10k race

On the advice you guys gave me (oh yeah Ry-Ann it was totally you), I signed up for the local road race in the 10k category. Many, Many times I wanted to back out and run my safe 5k but I stuck with it.

The day of the race dawned and I was nervous - tummy flutters. The boys ran the kids 1k race and I was at the finish line to cheer them on (and was also very proud). Pretty soon it was my turn to go. I started off slow, which in a race situation is hard to do - the crowds energize you and you want to start off flying. But then you get winded and it is all over. I forced myself to set a comfortable pace (I actually ran behind a girl who was pretty close to my shape for almost 5k). I lost the girl at the half way point as she started to slow down and I kept going.

At the 8k point my legs started to hurt but by then I was so close I just kept going - up a slight incline (owwwwwwwww)

I must have been fast because the boys were waiting at the finish line and they totally missed me. Once I was done I had to go looking for them.

I had set a public goal of under 1 hr 10 min and a private secret goal of 1 hour 6 min .

Well guess what people - I did it in 1 hour 3 min and 31 seconds. 

Holy crappola!!!! I am on fire! That might actually be a personal best.....

 

I am embarrassed to admit

I am embarrassed to admit that I don't know my sisters LIVE IN boyfriend's last name. They live together, I've met him and like him a lot but I have no idea what his last name is. AND they have been together a year or more.

awkward.

I am hoping she'll read this and tell me

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad

annnnnnnnnd

Happy Pinch Bum Day!

My grandfather invented this special day. He used to say the 1rst of May is Pinch Bum Day. He'd sneak up to my grandma and goose her and we would all shriek with laughter. (in our defense we were little and it was hilarious)

Why you would ever get married on such a day as that I have no idea but my parents decided it would be as good a day as any.


Go out and goose someone you love